by Bruce Rosenblatt | Jan 7, 2025 | Blog
I’m sorry to hear you’re dealing with this difficult situation. When parents refuse care, especially if their health or well-being is at risk, it can be incredibly frustrating and stressful. There are a few things you can consider doing, depending on their specific situation, their reasoning for refusing care, and the legal options available to you:
1. Understand Their Concerns
- Why are they refusing care? Sometimes, older adults resist help because they feel a loss of independence, fear of being a burden, or have concerns about the cost or quality of care.
- Have a conversation: Approach the subject with empathy. Ask them what specific concerns or fears they have about getting care and try to address them in a way that respects their autonomy.
2. Discuss the Importance of Their Health
- Explain how the care they’re refusing can improve their quality of life, maintain their independence longer, or prevent worsening conditions.
- Use specific examples of how delaying care can lead to complications (e.g., if they have a medical condition like diabetes, heart disease, or mobility issues).
3. Offer Alternatives
- If they’re against full-time care or a nursing home, offer other solutions, such as hiring a visiting nurse, a home aide, or setting up a family care schedule. This can make the care less intrusive.
- You might also want to suggest telehealth appointments if they’re hesitant to go to in-person appointments.
4. Get Help from a Professional
- Therapists or counselors: A neutral third party, such as a therapist or social worker, might be able to help mediate the conversation and address any fears or emotional resistance.
- Doctor’s advice: Sometimes, having their doctor explain why care is important can be more persuasive than anything you say. This might involve setting up a meeting where the doctor can directly discuss the necessity of care.
5. Check for Cognitive Impairment
- If their refusal of care seems irrational or if they are not understanding the risks, it could be a sign of cognitive decline (e.g., dementia, Alzheimer’s). If you suspect this, a doctor or specialist should assess their cognitive function.
- Legal options: If their cognitive state is compromised and they cannot make decisions in their own best interest, you might need to consider legal options like guardianship or power of attorney. However, this can be a delicate process and may require legal advice.
6. Know Your Legal Rights
- Power of Attorney (POA): If your parents have given you power of attorney for healthcare or finances, you may be able to make decisions on their behalf, including arranging care.
- Guardianship: In extreme cases, if your parents are unable to care for themselves and are refusing help, you may need to pursue legal guardianship. This is a process that involves the court and can give you the authority to make decisions for them.
7. Consider the Long-Term Impact
- If they continue refusing care and their health worsens, it might become a situation of crisis care, meaning emergency intervention could be needed. However, you should try to avoid this if possible since it can cause additional stress and trauma for both of you.
8. Take Care of Yourself
- Caregiver burnout is a real concern. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s important to seek support from other family members, friends, or professional caregivers. Caregiving can be emotionally and physically exhausting, so make sure you’re taking care of your own well-being too.
If this is something you’re dealing with, you’re not alone. Many people face similar struggles with aging parents or loved ones. Taking small steps, seeking professional advice, and prioritizing communication can often make a big difference. Let me know if you’d like specific advice or resources on any of the points.
For more information, please contact: www.seniorhousingsolutions.net
by Bruce Rosenblatt | Sep 23, 2024 | Blog
HOW TO NEGOTIATE WITH ASSITED LIVING FACILTIES
The price isn’t always the price at a senior living community. Use these tips to help you get the best price.
1). Time is a leverage. If you are able to move sooner, rather than later, you might have some room to negotiate. Senior Living communities are businesses, and a vacant apartment is a non-revenue producing asset. A quick move-in is a good thing for a community. Conversely, if you are unsure of when you are able to move and/or planning for the future, you should not try to negotiate and wait until you are ready to make a decision.
2). Well-established communities may not have a need to negotiate, especially communities with long wait lists. You can always ask, however don’t be disappointed if you are told “no.”
3). Many things are negotiable, this includes rate locks, monthly fees, apartment upgrades, community fees, and even levels of care.
4). Usually, medical approval is non-negotiable. If someone is denied residency based on their health, it is highly rare that the community will negotiate acceptance.
5). Contractual terms are difficult to negotiate since any changes to the community’s residency agreement may involve corporate legal review.
6). Negotiations are a two-way street. Be prepared offer something on your end.
7). When negotiating, try to talk directly with the decision-maker.
8). Some communities have special incentives if you are able to move within a certain time frame. If you are in a position to make a decision, you should inquire about any current promotions.
9). Do not have a “take or leave it” attitude. The decision to move to this community is bigger than the incentive you are requesting.
10). Seek the advice of a professional. We have years of experience in this business and have relationships with most of the communities in our area and can help you get the best price possible. Contact us at www.seniorhousingsolutions.net to learn more.
by Bruce Rosenblatt | Aug 29, 2017 | Blog
In my 30+ years’ experience in senior housing, I have met clients who struggle with having conversations with their loved ones about making the decision to move to a senior living community. There are many emotions involved in these conversations including guilt, fear, sadness and rejection. Unfortunately, these conversations never get any easier and the longer it takes, the harder they become. Hopefully these insights will be helpful to you.
Change is not easy
The common phrase I hear is “We have spoken with dad and he refuses to move.” People who have dementia have a difficult time with change. They become accustomed to their daily routine and surroundings. If you bring up the subject about moving or bring in help, the immediate response will be “No, I don’t need any help.” This is very common with people with dementia. They resist any type of help and they don’t realize the impact that their decision is having on you or your family. Until you realize that your roles have changed in your household, this cycle will continue.
Dementia effects judgement too
Many people think dementia is only about someone’s memory loss. It is important to realize is that dementia can also effect judgement. This is especially difficult if the former decision- maker of the family is not able to make sound decisions anymore. Many spouses who are caregivers find themselves in the situation, where they expect their spouse to make logical decisions and have a hard time recognizing their loved one is not capable of doing so anymore.
Like a hike in the woods
A good analogy to consider is a hiker lost in the woods. The hiker walks endlessly in the circles trying to find the right path out of the woods, however he is unable to find the right way out. It is frustrating, scary and a embarrassing to be lost. Imagine now, you find this hiker and you take him by the hand and lead him down the correct path. Yes, there could be some resistance along the way, however you know you are the doing the right thing. You stay the course and eventually, you and the hiker arrive at a safe place that is familiar. You have saved the day! Discussing the senior housing option is very similar. You need to take the lead and make the decision. Yes, your role as the follower has changed. You now need to take charge and be the leader.
The danger of doing nothing
Yes, you can do nothing and not ‘rock the apple cart,’ however doing nothing is actually doing something. The end result may not be what you expected! Too many times, the caregiver is the one that becomes ill and requires care. By being the caregiver, your immune system is weakening and you are most susceptible to illness or experiencing a severe medical condition or even a fall. If something happens to you, who is going to take care of your spouse? Unfortunately, the person with dementia and the denial to do anything is creating a potentially dangerous situation for you. In addition, senior housing options become more limited and more expensive if you wait until care is needed to force a decision. It is always better to “select rather than settle.” Making a decision in a crisis mode is never a good idea. Being proactive and recognizing that it is important to have a plan for your future health care needs is a much wiser (and less expensive) route to take.
Conversation tactics
Prepare to be open, honest, and non-argumentative when discussing these topics with your loved ones. These conversations need to take place in a quiet and comfortable setting such as your living room or around the kitchen table. Keep in mind that you already know the resistance you will be get. Be prepared. You also need to recognize that you know best in this situation and that even though you would like your loved one’s approval, a decision needs to be make. Maintaining the status quo is no longer an option. One tactic that I’ve found to be useful to tell your loved that a temporary move needs to occur. It can because of a home repair or a pending vacation to go up North. A temporary change is much easier to handle rather than a permanent move. You can also tell your loved one that he needs to do this for you since you are not feeling well and you need some extra help. Keep in mind that even though you would want your spouse’s agreement, you are in charge now and the decision is yours to make. “Honey, we are going to do this and we are going to make the best of it together.”
Seek counsel
Trying to resolve this by yourself is difficult. If what you have been trying isn’t working, it’s time to call in the cavalry. Seeking the help of an independent third party to step in is not a bad idea. Do you have a family member or close friend that can be ‘the heavy?’ You may also want to reach out to your doctor, clergy. attorney and financial advisor. There are support networks such as the Alzheimer’s support network and other caregiver support groups to help you. As senior housing advisors, we can also help. We have year’s of experience helping people through these difficult situations. We do the research for you and have resources available to make this much easier on you.
The new normal
Amazingly, once the decision has been made and you move to your new home at a senior living community, a huge weight is lifted off your shoulders. There are many advantages of living at a senior living community and it won’t take long for your new home to be your new normal. Your loved one, who put up so much resistance will develop his routine in very little time and be thankful you made the decision. Just like the hiker in the woods, you have save the day!
For more information, please go to: www.seniorhousingsolutions.net
by Bruce Rosenblatt | Oct 14, 2015 | Support Services
Business Description:
Mission: To eliminate Alzheimer’s disease through the advancement of research; to provide and enhance care and support for all affected; and to reduce the risk of dementia through the promotion of brain health.
The Alzheimer’s Association – Florida Gulf Coast Chapter is a tax-exempt, 501(c)(3) nonprofit, donor-supported organization. Programs and services are made possible through contributions from individuals, corporations and foundations. The Chapter uses 78% of all funds raised for programs, services and research efforts.
Address:
9220 Bonita Beach Road
Suite # 223
Bonita Beach, FL 34135
Website:
www.alz.org
Contact:
Office: (239) 405-7008
Toll Free: (800)272-3900
